When All You Can Do Is Laugh

If there’s one thing I’ve learned in all my times of traveling overseas, it’s BE FLEXIBLE!  Things will never go as you plan.  Most times, there’s not really a plan, so you just have to go with the flow.  I like to think that I do pretty well with being flexible with my time, expectations, etc.  Besides, some days you just have to step back and laugh.  That sums up fairly well my most recent adventure.

It was 6 a.m. on a Friday morning and I was hopping into Pastor’s car.  The plan was for him to drop me at Salgaa to join up with the women who were heading to Molo town for their graduation.  I didn’t have a clue what to expect (how we were traveling, exactly where Molo was, how long we’d be gone, how many would be there, etc., etc.).  Yeah…I was definitely clueless!  Pulling into Salgaa, I met up with the women and then two of them joined me in the back of Pastor’s car.  He then drove the three of us to the next town where we got out and stood along the side of the road waiting for a matatu or taxi.  There were about 15 other people waiting alongside the road with us, but when a small white taxi pulled up, all 15 quickly disappeared!  Did you know that you can fit 15 people in a car made for 5 if you pack 4 in the front seat, 5 in the back seat, and 6 in the boot (trunk)?!  Yeah, I wasn’t so sure either until I saw it with my own eyes!  So now, I was ready.  I knew what to expect when the next taxi pulled up, and I was completely prepared to squeeze in and find a seat…I thought!

Five minutes later, a second taxi pulled up (same size as the last) and myself and the two women I was traveling with were soon squeezed inside.  I found myself in the front seat between the driver and one of the women, with the gear shift pressed tightly into my leg!  No matter what, that gear shift wasn’t moving!  So whatever gear he’d had it in when he pulled up, we stayed in the entire 20 minute drive to Molo town (uphill)!  As if that wasn’t enough to get me laughing, you could barely see out the windshield!  The defrost was broken and the window was fogging over, but if you closed one eye and squinted with the other while ducking down by the steering wheel, you could almost see clearly!!!  That’s how we nearly hit a donkey!  Yeah…I’m not kidding!  Luckily, we swerved at the last minute into a giant, crater-sized pot hole.  Close call!  And if that still wasn’t enough to have me dying laughing (inside of course), then whoever passed gas twice in that insanely long twenty minutes sent me over the top!  Honestly…15 people packed in a car and you can’t hold it!  But the day was only really beginning!

When we arrived in Molo and finally fell out of the taxi (that’s what happens when you’re packed in tight) gasping for fresh air, I learned we still had a hike ahead of us.  So we walked up this hill to a place packed with nearly 2500 Kenyans getting graduation gowns.  Do you know how many eyes that is staring at the one and only Mzungu (white person)?  Talk about culture shock!  I’m used to being the only Mzungu, but I’m not usually hanging out with a crowd of 2500!  Note to self: Hair down = bad idea!

We met up with the rest of our group, got the gowns for each of the women, and then made our way out to the main road.  It was here that I discovered we’d be marching through Molo town up to some stadium where the graduation ceremony would be held.  Bet you’ve never walked in a parade of 2500 Kenyans and one Mzungu before!  There’s one word to describe it – PACKED!  At one point I felt like I didn’t really need to bother walking because the people both beside and behind me were doing a fine job of pushing me along!  Of course, they also nearly pushed me into an oncoming lorry (semi)!  Yeah…we’re friends!

I was so thankful to reach the stadium after our 20 minute walk and was so tired too!  Thank goodness for those chairs they had set up for us so we could sit!  And apparently I wasn’t the only tired one!  Yep…you can ask the random woman beside me who fell asleep on my shoulder!  Yeah…we’re friends too!

The ceremony was scheduled to start at 9 a.m., so at 11:15 things were under way!  After a few brief speeches (about 30 min. each) and a few presentations, the ceremony was “wrapping up”.  An hour and a half after that, we were done!  Next came the adventure back home.

We hopped in a matatu this time which can comfortably seat 15, but why seat 15 when you can fit at least 24?!  From the back seat, you can feel the bumps the best, which wouldn’t be so bad if it wasn’t for that stupid metal bar above your head!  Kenyans are like jelly, their bodies just move with the vehicle not against it.  But when I tried that, my head smashed into the window, hit the seat in front of me, and nearly knocked Julia out who was sitting beside me!  My bad!  Don’t worry, we really are friends!

Some days all you can do is laugh…and well, this was definitely one of those days!

Chased By A Llama

You may think by the title of this post that I'm kidding, far from the truth!  The story goes a little something like this...

On Thursday afternoon, Amanda, Judy, & myself decided it was a beautiful day for a walk.  So we decided to walk from Baby Center down to Lord Edgerton's Castle.  It's a beautiful property tucked away out in the "country" about a 10-15 minute walk away.  Amanda & I had been down there before, but this time was different...much different.

On the property are a couple of llamas.  There is a pin that they are normally kept in, at least they were last time we visited.  Today, however, they were out grazing in the yard.  And so begins our adventure.

We walked up through the gates at Castle and began making our way around the yard.  It's gorgeous and there's so much to see and walk around.  As we were walking, Amanda pointed out excitedly that the llamas were out grazing in the yard.  They were on the other side from where we were.  No big deal.  Yeah, right!  No sooner than she pointed the llamas out, the white one stood up, stared right at us, put its ears back, & started running.  Where was it running, you might ask?  Right towards us!  The llama was charging ahead full speed and we were its target!

My first reaction was to freeze right where I was.  I think it was a mix of shock and fear that kept me standing there trying to understand what was happening.  Meanwhile, Amanda was ducked behind me (great friend, I know).  Once it hit me that the llama was headed straight for me, fear turned into sheer panic as we bolted for the nearest escape.  The only thing close enough to us was a stone staircase leading up to the Castle door.  I'm pretty sure we took them two at a time just trying frantically to get away!

All the while, there was a group of Kenyan women just basking in the shade of a tree across the yard.  Their laughter could be heard over our cries of sheer panic & terror!  I'm sure the whole scenario was highly entertaining to them!

You would think that climbing a staircase would provide some level of security from said llama, or so we thought, until the llama put its front hooves up the first step!  Are you kidding me?!  Since when do llamas climb stairs?!  I began looking around for any other means of escape if the llama would in fact make it up the stairs.  We were trapped if the castle door was locked, though I was fully prepared to bust through if needed!!!

Finally, to our "relief" the grounds keepers made their way over to the stairs shaking their heads at us laughing.  Then one of the guys looks at me and says, "Don't run.  Llamas are a very social animal, he just wants to say 'hello'!"  Yeah right, like I'm gonna think a llama just wants to be friends that sees me from across the yard and charges straight for me with ears back!  You must be joking!

Reluctantly, we made our way down the stairs toward the llama that was waiting for us.  "Just touch it like this," one grounds keeper said as he demonstrated how to be friends with it.  I'm pretty sure that even as I pet it, it was trying to eat my face!  Amanda wouldn't go anywhere near the thing.  You gotta love the fact that she continued to hide behind us the entire time!!!  The closest she got to the llama was when a tractor was between her & it!

Charging Llama

This is as close as Amanda got!

Never in my life did I think I would find myself getting charged by a llama!  Just one more life experience to add to my journal!

Officially 1-1

As of last night, I have a 1-1 record.

In what? ...Hitting people with my apartment door

Yes, you read that correctly! My record is one complete take down and one left standing. But don't worry, it's early on...I'm sure to get better! Besides Apple Festival season is just around the corner!

In case you're not following...it was about 2 years ago now that I hit a little boy off his bike using only my apartment door! Last night, it was an unsuspecting teenage girl walking past with her friends. I opened my door just as she passed (I never even looked out the window). Fortunately, for her, my door only helped her walk a bit faster, as a "hit" more like nudged her in the back (not hard enough to knock her down). But I think it's safe to say that her & her friends were completely scared out of their minds.

Top 5 Vacation Moments

A lot happened on vacation. It was busy at all, it was extremely relaxing. There's definitely a lot that I've pulled away from it. For starters, here are my top 5 moments. There's plenty more than this...but these are the things that stand out in my mind right now!


5. Spending an entire afternoon just laying in the sun reading.

4. Reading a book cover to cover in one week! Hasn’t happened for a while!!!

3. Hiking trails, building campfires, biking on the hills, playing games every night!

2. Canoe trip w/ the fam. Hilarious story: So, I shared a canoe with my mom & my lil sis was with my dad. The trip was about 7.5 miles and could take anywhere from 2-4 hours. We decided to take our time with it...so we were out for almost the full 4 hours. Anyway, we’re pulling in our canoes at the end of the trip and I was at the bow. So naturally, I got out of the canoe & began pulling it onto the rocks so it would be steady enough for my mom to get out. However, she decides to stand up before the canoe is secure. Immediately, she realized this was a bad idea & tried to steady herself. But she overcompensated, looked at me with this sort of helpless face, & flipped right out of the canoe!!! I was DYING LAUGHING!!! The bank actually takes a bit of a dip where we pulled in, so it was shallow right at the rocks but then immediately drops down about 3 feet. I couldn’t help but just stand there and laugh!!! Now you all know where I get it from!!!

1. Spending extended time alone with family and extended time alone with God.


More to come...

A Trip Downstairs

To anyone wondering, there's no deep meaning to the title of this post...no philosophical approach to a life lesson...nope, nothing. This post is just to share with you that I fell down the stairs in my apartment...again!

This makes five falls, I believe. Which, considering that I've only lived there a year and 2 months and considering how insanely clutzy I am, I'd say I'm doing pretty well! I have 16 stairs, then a little flat space, and then 4 more. But no worries, I only fell down about 7 of them!

Let's just say that if my door hadn't been locked, I'm pretty sure I would've gone flying through it, which would of caused me to smack my door into two girls who I happened to see walking by at the time through the window.

Moral of the story: Yeah...there isn't one! I'm a clutz! What can I say?!

I'm Such A Klutz!

Seriously! Growing up I was always known as the klutz in my family. It was inevitable! If someone in my family was going to do something stupid or hurt themselves, it was going to be me!

This morning is just another classic example of how klutzy I am! So, let me take a moment to share with you what happened, as I continue to wait for this headache to subside.

Part One: I went over to the front office to make some copies this morning. The papers I'm copying are not a normal paper size, so when you send them through the feeder tray, they tend to get jammed easily. It's nothing I haven't dealt with before. So, I sent the papers through the feeder & sure enough, about half way through they jammed. Clearly not thinking it through, I set the rest of the papers I was holding on the top "lid" of the copy machine. I then proceeded to look at the screen to see where the paper was jammed. The area it directed me to was under the "lid," so without thinking, I opened it sending all the papers I had just set down sailing into the great abyss behind the machine!

Part Two: There's not a lot of room to try & maneuver behind the copy machine. In fact the whole thing was fairly humorous. I felt like a contortionist trying to twist my body around reaching as far back as I could get my arm to try & grab these papers. With my face smashed up against one side of the copy machine & the wall seeming to close in on the other, I finally made a lunge forward to reach the final piece! Unsuccessful! Beginning now to feel defeated, I determined the only way to rescue these papers was to go in from the top. (No I didn't climb onto the copy machine! Geesh!) Instead, looking much like a clumsy ballerina, I got up on my tip toes, extended my leg, and began leaning downward stretching my fingers out toward the paper. Finally...mission accomplished!

Part Three: Though it seems that rescuing the papers that I so clumsily let fall would be the end of this fine story, it's really only part of it. You see, after rescuing these papers from the abyss, with great excitement I stood to my feet forgetting one very important thing...SMACK!!! Why the heck did they put that stupid wooden shelf above the copy machine?!?!

My head hurts!!!

I Hit A Kid!

Seriously! I really hit a little boy yesterday evening!

With my car? No. With my fist? No. So what did I hit him with you ask...with my door! Car door? No. With my apartment door!!! Take a moment to let that soak in!

So, here's the story...

After getting off work a little late yesterday, I rushed home to my apartment to grab a book I needed before heading to Goshen. I was running late so, of course, I was in a bit of a hurry. As I came rushing down the stairs of my apartment toward the front door, this is when it all happened! I quickly opened my door to head back out to my car and BAM!!!

Now, let me explain. I live in town, so my front yard is a sidewalk. People walk on sidewalks. Though, it's not like it's a busy or happening location. I never think to open my door with caution. It's just not necessary because no one is ever there! Granted, it was much more busy during the Apple Festival, so I learned to be a bit more cautious in opening my front door...especially after nearly knocking over a poor old woman. But the festival is over, the crowds are gone, & there was simply no need for caution!

As I opened the door, I saw something out of the corner of my eye. But it was one of those moments where nothing registers in your brain. You know, one of those "Hmm...I wonder what that is" moments where the next thing you know you find yourself thinking, "Why didn't I see that?!" So there I was dumbfounded by what I had just done.

Now, let me continue to clarify because believe it or not, the story does get better. The boy wasn't merely walking along the sidewalk & then got smashed into a door. No, no. He was on his bike! And my door caught the pedals & back wheel as he was riding by. So, picture with me if you will, a small boy no older than 10, cute as can be (although now badly bruised, I'm sure), riding on his bike through town just trying to get home, only to have some awful girl open a door & knock the wind right out of him!

The whole scenario went something like this: Door opens, "BANG!" Boy goes flying off bike about 3 feet barely missing the lightpost outside my apartment. Boy now lies on ground wedged between fallen bike with wheels spinning & large metal lightpost. I stand holding the door looking dumbfounded at boy on the ground, trying to decide if I should laugh or cry at what I had just done. Boy gets up, turns to me as I pick up his bike for him, and says, "Uhhhh...sorry lady."

What?! Sorry?!?! I just knocked a kid off his bike & he's apologizing to me? Still not knowing how to respond, I apologized profusely to the boy & asked over and over if he was alright. Though he didn't appear to have any visible scrapes or bruises, I was sure he would be hurting later. Again he apologized to me saying, "I'm really sorry. I'm okay. I just have to get home really fast!" Asking one more time if he was sure he was alright, I stood there watching as the boy continued riding off toward home.

After he left, I found myself sheepishly looking around to see who else may have been watching. Afterall, I live in town...it's not completely void of people! Though I didn't really see anyone else around, I'm sure that there must have been someone watching me beat on this poor child with my front door! I quickly got back in my car & that's when I absolutely lost it. No, not crying...laughing hysterically! I know, I know...how could I possibly laugh at the thought of knocking a 10 year old boy down? But come on, who does stuff like this? What are the chances of something like that actually happening?!

I'm just waiting for that moment where some irrate mother comes to my apartment door screaming at me for beating up on her poor defenseless child who came home one night with bruises all over his body!

In the meantime, if you're ever walking or riding your bike on the sidewalks in town and you're getting ready to pass by my place...you might want to wear a helmet!!! I've learned my lesson. From now on...open the door with caution!

Dirty Mouth? Clean it up!

Today marked my 6-month cleaning at the dentist, and for some reason, the whole concept of going to the dentist struck me as funny. So, allow me to share with you my experience...

I reluctantly pulled out of the church parking lot at 8:35 this morning. My appointment was scheduled for 8:45 right here in town, so I figured that was more than enough time to get there. As I'm driving down the road, I'm easily distracted by all the garage sale signs (yet another remarkable & funny concept to think through). Before I know it, I have not only passed the dentist office, but I'm nearly half way through town! Do you ever have those moments when you're driving where you space out & can't remember passing by things? When you finally realize where you are...you're left wondering, "Did I run through a stop sign? Did I almost hit anyone? How did I get here?" It was going to be one of those mornings.

So, with a frustrated sigh, I turned around at the nearest side street & began making my way back to the dentist office...now with only 3 minutes to be "on-time." After arriving, I made my way through the doors into the Waiting Room, where I checked in & began my wait. There's no chance of not waiting...afterall, that's the name of the room. You can't have a Waiting Room & not have people wait in it. Oh, the inhumanity! So...I waited...and waited...and just when the door opened & I thought I was finally going in...I ended up waiting some more!

Finally, at around 9 AM, my name was called! With incredible excitement mixed with frustration and dread, I made my way into the next little hallway that takes you back to the next little room where you sit in a chair and wait some more. Luckily, this wait wasn't as long. A cheery young woman came in and began the process of the ever-famed 6-month cleaning. First came the little blue bib they strap around your neck. You know, the one that makes you feel like you're 2! Then comes the chair. This isn't just any chair, no, no! This chair reclines, and not just your normal lay back & relax kind of recline. This chair reclines so far back that it can make the blood begin rushing toward your head. "Oops, sorry dear, I guess I should pay more attention when leaning you back!"

After readjusting the chair & allowing the headache from the rushing blood to subside, the cleaning continues. Now comes the poking & proding. First, comes the long metal thing with the mirror on it (I'm so good with technical terms). Then comes the thing with the metal hook on the end that's used to do the poking, proding, & scraping. Then comes the three fingers from the hand pushing down on the two metal things...the mouth is suddenly very crowded. But to top it all off, next comes the question..."So, how are you doing?"

Trying hard not to laugh, I respond, "Goo" (gagging).

Why is it that it's not until after they have your mouth wide open, metal things poking at you, and as much of their hand as possible in your mouth that they decide to do something stupid like ask you a question that you clearly can't answer without gagging in some way?! Ah, the joys of the dentist.

After the poking, scraping, & a few more senseless questions, it came time for some ab workouts. You know, the raising of the chair so you can rinse, and rinse again, and "okay, why don't you go ahead and rinse again." This is also a real "treat," swishing water around in your mouth so you can attempt to spit it into the little sink-like extension of the chair without drooling all over yourself (hence, the bib).

Finally, it's time for the actual dentist to come in. Yet another part of going to the dentist that I don't understand. He comes in for about 4 minutes to simply tell me what the woman has already told me. I think the only reason the dentist comes around is so that he can cause you to do more ab workouts & cause more blood to go rushing to your head when he sends the chair up & down! It's all a conspiracy! They know that we don't really know much about the technical side of dental hygiene, so they can pretty much send you up & down as many times as they want in the chair, poke & prod at your teeth 'til you bleed, & ask you stupid questions just to hear you slur & struggle to answer. It's all for laughs!

But hey, now my teeth feel minty fresh & squeaky clean!