Singing With the Radio

Ever had one of those unexpected moments that rocks your world? My drive home last night was just that. I don't typically listen to the radio. Usually, I spend my car rides in silence or listening to CDs, but my radio happened to be one (with the volume all the way up thanks to a certain friend). Before I reached to turn it off, I heard these lyrics from a familiar Jeremy Camp song...

I still believe in Your faithfulness
I still believe in Your truth
I still believe in Your Holy Word
Even when I don't see, I still believe

Without giving it much thought, I began to sing along. After all, isn't that what you're supposed to do when you hear a song you know? But in the middle of my singing it was like a switch went off in my brain. Next thing I knew I was asking myself (out loud) "Really?" Do I still believe in God's faithfulness, in His truth, in His Holy Word even in the midst of His silence and my unanswered prayers? Do I still believe it when I can't see it played out in front of me?

I've experienced God's faithfulness in my life, so I know He's faithful. But do I believe it? I've read and heard over & over again God's truth, His Holy Word. It's been taught to me all my life. But do I believe it?

You may be thinking, "How can you even ask that?! If you've seen & experienced His faithfulness and know His truth, then why would you question your belief in it?!"

If I'm going to be gut level honest with you and with myself, I really do question God's faithfulness & truth. When you've walked in the "silence" of God for so long, you can't help but ask those questions. I see His faithfulness in the lives of those around me, yet in my own unanswered prayers I've begun to doubt God's ability to provide or even His concern with my current circumstances. I have no problem trusting in and praying for His faithfulness & ability to provide in the lives of my friends and family. But somewhere along the line, that's where it stopped for me.

Please understand, this post isn't a pity party - it's merely a reflection of my wrestling with God.

In the book of Mark (Chapter 9), a young boy is brought before Jesus. The boy is demon-possessed. Jesus asked the boy's father, "How long has he been like this?" The father responds, "From childhood. It has often thrown him into fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us."

"If you can?" Jesus said. "Everything is possible for him who believes."

Then, in a gut level honest moment, the boy's father responds, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"

I think we all go through times of questioning God and what we believe. We question His goodness in the midst of hard times. We question His faithfulness when faced with uncharted territory. I think it's healthy to wrestle through these questions. I know God is faithful & His Word is true. I know He's not limited by my surroundings & doesn't operate the way I expect. I know it; I believe it...I want to believe it. Yet in the midst of the valleys, the unexpected, or the silence, my cry to God is help me overcome my unbelief!

I've been going back through stuff I've written in past journals, and there's so much that jumps out at me, reminding me of God's faithfulness & truth.

• God may or may not remove us from our difficulties but always meets us in the midst of them.
• Sometimes God changes circumstances; always God changes us in the midst of our circumstances.
• Even when my feelings are telling me nothing of the faithfulness of God, I will hold to His promises.

So what are some of the promises I'm holding on to?

• Seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. (Matthew 6:33)
• Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6)
• And my God will meet all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:19)

"When we are hurting and the pain seems senseless, we may find it hard to think clearly or to pray diligently. But we can still trust, resting quietly in the Father's love for us. What does this mean in practice? In part it means meditating on the wonderful promises of Scripture with a hopeful heart for the future. It also means remembering the goodness of God poured out to us in the past...And in the present, it means receiving the kindness of people as gifts from God...the very best thing about our lives - the most incredible thing we've got going for us - is that the Creator of a million stars is entirely & eternally good, that He is utterly caught up in the details of our situation, & that He cares for us more than we care for ourselves." (God On Mute, Pete Greig)