This is who my Jesus is...

I've had so many moments lately, some big, some small, where this phrase continues to resonate in my heart.  "This is who my Jesus is."

It amazes me how often I "forget" who He is... or maybe it's how often I let my circumstances and what makes sense to me overwhelm me and become greater in my mind than who I know Jesus to be.  Wow... I think I need to write that out somewhere so I can remember it everyday! Haha!

But truly friends, Jesus is SO amazing!  And I don't say that lightly or to be cliche.  He truly is.  I've seen it.  I've experienced it firsthand.  And not just once or twice but daily!  He is so good!!!

I used to get so frustrated when I would read stories about the Israelites in the Bible.  The book of Exodus is one of my many favorites because I love the journey the Lord takes His people on.  It's not an easy one by any means.  In fact, it's hard.  It involves a whole lot of years in the desert after having served as slaves in Egypt.  It wasn't glamorous and there was a whole lot of complaining.  And that's the part of the story that would always get me.  To free the Israelites from slavery, the Lord sent 10 different plagues over Egypt - 10 disgusting plagues that touched the Egyptians but the Israelites were protected from.  Is this not an incredible thing???  Frogs, locusts, gnats, blood, flies, livestock dying, boils, hail, darkness, death of the firstborn.  This isn't exactly the kind of thing you'd think you would just forget about.  Like "what did you eat for lunch last Tuesday?" that's something forgettable, but "remember when God sent that massive hail storm down on people and animals and crops in Egypt and the only place it didn't fall was where we lived?"  Yeah... not stuff you'd forget about!  And as if the plagues weren't enough of the mark of who God is and what He's capable of, He led the Israelites to the Red Sea and then used Moses to part it (with a staff by the way).  I'm not sure the last time you spoke to a sea and it parted for you when you held up your staff, but this is some amazing stuff!  And then the Israelites walked through it on dry ground... WALKED THROUGH A SEA!!!  Sorry, I get a little excited about the book of Exodus.

My point is this, later, the Israelites are wandering through the desert complaining about how the Lord has forsaken them... forgotten them even.  I'm sorry, what?!  Did you miss all that He did for you to get you out of slavery in Egypt?  Did you miss the manna He sent from heaven to give you food and the water that sprung out of a rock to give you drink?  And there it is... "Kristy, how often do you forget about my goodness, and forget about my faithfulness?  Because the next big circumstance or crisis right in front of you seems so overwhelming and you give into the fear forgetting who I am."

I'm trying hard to lean into this.  This understanding of "this is who my Jesus is."  I don't need to operate out of fear of man or circumstance or anything else because I know who my Jesus is.  I know what He's capable of.  I know what I've seen Him do in my life, and the exciting thing is... He never works the same exact way - so I know there's more to Him than what I've seen and experienced!

When my visa is expiring and my planned trip suddenly turns into a last minute rush to a completely different country leaving me less than 48 hours to get my visa renewed, I don't have to fear if it can happen because I know who my Jesus is!  He is the One who makes impossible looking things possible.  When my finances take a hit because of unexpected costs or when I'm operating out of a place of being support raised instead of having a job with a steady paycheck, I don't have to fear if there will be enough because I know who my Jesus is!  And there is no end to His resources!  When I'm faced with situations that seem far beyond my ability to know how to help or problem solve, when desperation and brokenness that I'm seeing in all directions seems really overwhelming, I don't have to fear and work endlessly from my own strength to bring answers because I know who my Jesus is!  He is the One who is able to meet our needs - immeasurably more than we could ask or imagine - and He is the One who gives wisdom, dreams, direction and hope... I just happen to be a vessel willing to steward out to others what He is giving.

This is who my Jesus is.

And I'm not perfect at remembering that, but I'm trying.  I want to "set my heart on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God" and "set my mind on things above, not on earthly things" (Colossians 3:1-2).  Because when I operate out of a Kingdom mindset, out of an understanding of who my Jesus is, there isn't a place for me to bow down to fear or operate out of my own ability and strength.  If I'm relying on me to get things done, I'll fall short, burn out, eventually lose my passion every time.  But when I operate out of Kingdom, there is always plenty to go around.

I don't want to forget the things I've seen the Lord do in my life.  I don't want to side step around how I've seen His faithfulness play out when the next uncertain moment shows its face.  Jesus, help me always to remember "this is who you are".