Jumping Off the Deep End

What is one of the first things you do when you're afraid? Some people scream, some jump...but I'm willing to bet that nearly all of us have this moment of feeling absolutely paralyzed. For a moment, you just freeze, totally silent.

This is often my first reaction to fear. When I feel like someone/something is after me, I just freeze up. Sometimes, I begin to step backward in retreat. Often, I become completely silent trying hard to figure out the best way to "get away" from whatever is making me afraid.

Fear is a powerful thing when we give it power.

I know, I know. That probably sounded really dumb. But if you think about it, isn't fear only as powerful as we make it? When we give in to fear, it can make us completely change the direction we're moving in. It can paralyze us from taking another step forward.

Some people have a fear of roller coasters. Some people have a fear of heights. For me, I was always afraid of deep water. I remember taking swim lessons at Nappanee Pool when I was probably 5 or 6 years old. I had mastered the shallow end. You know, the part with five little steps leading into the water up to about the 3 feet mark. No problem. But then, my swimming instructor got this crazy idea to have us get out of the pool and walk over to the diving board. Are you kidding me?! You want me to willingly throw myself off a piece of wood no wider than a foot that is dangling over 7 feet of water?! Seriously?!

My swimming buddies slowly began the climb out of the pool. I'm confident I was not the only nervous one as I seem to remember wading through a warm patch of water. We formed a single file line and I made sure I was at the back. One by one, we stepped out onto the diving board. Below, the instructor was treading water and assuring us that he would in fact be right there to catch us. You would think I would have gotten the hint that this simply was not true as one by one my group jumped off into the deep end, splashing and gasping for air as they sank like a rock. But somehow in my mind, I convinced myself that the instructor had just missed the seven kids jumping off before me, but surely he would catch me. After all, I made sure to let him know I was not excited about making the jump and was petrified of going under.

I stood at the end of that diving board for what seemed like hours (though I'm sure it was only about a minute). The longer I stood staring at the water, the more scared I became. I felt my knees buckle, my stomach felt nauseous, and I was struggling to hold back tears. "Just step off," came the voice of my instructor, "I've got ya." So...I did. I stepped off the diving board into the deep end. And into the deep end is exactly where I went. My instructor didn't catch me! In fact, for a second, I was convinced he was going to let me drown unless I could figure out a way to get my head above the water! But as I struggled to the surface, I heard him call out as he reached for my arm, "You did it!"

I was too mad at the time to realize the significance of what had happened.

The longer I stood on that diving board just staring down at the seven feet of water below, the more scared I became. And the more scared I became, the more I began to question and doubt what I was about to do. I wanted so badly to retreat from that diving board and go back to the shallow end where there was little risk involved.

But what if I hadn't jumped? Well, I guess we'll never really know. But I picture one of two scenarios: 1) I would still have an incredible fear of deep water and would avoid swimming, beaches, etc. at all costs. 2) I would be an almost 26-year-old weenie who showed up at the beach with arm floaties and a yellow ducky life preserve who would never stand in water past my waist!

Jumping into that water was a huge risk in my six-year-old mind. I wasn't confident that I could swim. I didn't feel ready. And I began to let those things create in me this fear that I was going to fail- actually, in my mind at the time, I was more scared of drowning than failing!

Doesn't that sound like a great tactic? If you want to keep someone from doing something, just create fear in them.

I'm convinced that this is one of Satan's greatest tactics. If he can paralyze us with fear, he can keep us from moving forward, from stepping out in faith, and from growing deeper in our relationship with Christ. Suddenly, we're afraid of what we'll have to risk if we step out and trust God. We're afraid of what we might lose or how we might look. We're afraid we don't really have what it takes, we're unqualified, not good enough. We're afraid we're making the wrong choice, listening to the wrong voice, heading in the wrong direction.

See, fear is a powerful thing when we give it power.

We're bound to have heartaches, set backs, & experience loss. We live in a fallen world. But if we fear those things and allow them to keep us from taking steps forward, then we risk never experiencing joy, true love, and incredible growth. Someone once told me, "the greatest risk is not taking one."

I don't want fear to keep me locked in to where I am now. And I don't want to go back to where I was before. I want to keep moving forward.

I want to move and not be gripped by fear.