Today marked my 6-month cleaning at the dentist, and for some reason, the whole concept of going to the dentist struck me as funny. So, allow me to share with you my experience...
I reluctantly pulled out of the church parking lot at 8:35 this morning. My appointment was scheduled for 8:45 right here in town, so I figured that was more than enough time to get there. As I'm driving down the road, I'm easily distracted by all the garage sale signs (yet another remarkable & funny concept to think through). Before I know it, I have not only passed the dentist office, but I'm nearly half way through town! Do you ever have those moments when you're driving where you space out & can't remember passing by things? When you finally realize where you are...you're left wondering, "Did I run through a stop sign? Did I almost hit anyone? How did I get here?" It was going to be one of those mornings.
So, with a frustrated sigh, I turned around at the nearest side street & began making my way back to the dentist office...now with only 3 minutes to be "on-time." After arriving, I made my way through the doors into the Waiting Room, where I checked in & began my wait. There's no chance of not waiting...afterall, that's the name of the room. You can't have a Waiting Room & not have people wait in it. Oh, the inhumanity! So...I waited...and waited...and just when the door opened & I thought I was finally going in...I ended up waiting some more!
Finally, at around 9 AM, my name was called! With incredible excitement mixed with frustration and dread, I made my way into the next little hallway that takes you back to the next little room where you sit in a chair and wait some more. Luckily, this wait wasn't as long. A cheery young woman came in and began the process of the ever-famed 6-month cleaning. First came the little blue bib they strap around your neck. You know, the one that makes you feel like you're 2! Then comes the chair. This isn't just any chair, no, no! This chair reclines, and not just your normal lay back & relax kind of recline. This chair reclines so far back that it can make the blood begin rushing toward your head. "Oops, sorry dear, I guess I should pay more attention when leaning you back!"
After readjusting the chair & allowing the headache from the rushing blood to subside, the cleaning continues. Now comes the poking & proding. First, comes the long metal thing with the mirror on it (I'm so good with technical terms). Then comes the thing with the metal hook on the end that's used to do the poking, proding, & scraping. Then comes the three fingers from the hand pushing down on the two metal things...the mouth is suddenly very crowded. But to top it all off, next comes the question..."So, how are you doing?"
Trying hard not to laugh, I respond, "Goo" (gagging).
Why is it that it's not until after they have your mouth wide open, metal things poking at you, and as much of their hand as possible in your mouth that they decide to do something stupid like ask you a question that you clearly can't answer without gagging in some way?! Ah, the joys of the dentist.
After the poking, scraping, & a few more senseless questions, it came time for some ab workouts. You know, the raising of the chair so you can rinse, and rinse again, and "okay, why don't you go ahead and rinse again." This is also a real "treat," swishing water around in your mouth so you can attempt to spit it into the little sink-like extension of the chair without drooling all over yourself (hence, the bib).
Finally, it's time for the actual dentist to come in. Yet another part of going to the dentist that I don't understand. He comes in for about 4 minutes to simply tell me what the woman has already told me. I think the only reason the dentist comes around is so that he can cause you to do more ab workouts & cause more blood to go rushing to your head when he sends the chair up & down! It's all a conspiracy! They know that we don't really know much about the technical side of dental hygiene, so they can pretty much send you up & down as many times as they want in the chair, poke & prod at your teeth 'til you bleed, & ask you stupid questions just to hear you slur & struggle to answer. It's all for laughs!
But hey, now my teeth feel minty fresh & squeaky clean!
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